


And So You're Free

by sweetcarolanne



Category: Born Never Asked - Laurie Anderson (Song)
Genre: Afterlife, Angels, Dolls, Gen, Reincarnation, Surreal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:02:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24248509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetcarolanne/pseuds/sweetcarolanne
Summary: She smiled, then saw that others around her were noticing the rising and falling of the curtain, and drawing closer. Leaving the plates of delicacies, they reached out to lift the shimmering barrier just as Blue had done, but they too grasped nothing and neither could they see through it.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6
Collections: Jukebox 2020





	And So You're Free

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Measured_Words](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Measured_Words/gifts).



> Many thanks to my anonymous beta.

From the outside, the building looked like a hospital with its high, white walls and small windows. Drapes of misty grey hung down in front of those glass panes, blocking anyone from seeing in. Past the entrance, long linoleum corridors seemed to stretch out endlessly, and the soft rubber soles of the people filing into the building squeaked against their polished surfaces.

Then a door swung open, and the cold and clinical atmosphere was gone. Soft harp music lured the dazed and wide-eyed crowd inside the most beautiful room that any of them had ever seen.

A crowd of many different people, young and old, adults and children, dressed in silk clothes of many different hues, now stood on soft cream carpets as the music changed to the sombre yet oddly soothing tones of a distant organ. Walls painted a calming pink surrounded them, and some of the people walked around the room and helped themselves to strange confections, multi-coloured squares covered in powdered sugar like Turkish delight, that lay on golden plates on long tables up against the wall that faced towards the west. 

The young woman who came in last did not taste any of the offered refreshments, but instead kept her eyes locked upon a billowing, gauzy curtain that hung across where the eastern wall should have been. It was a deeper pink than the painted walls, and seemed to move in rhythm with the breath of every person in the room. 

It glittered like the stars, or flowing water, and she stretched out one slender hand to touch it, to pull it aside, but felt nothing but air beneath her fingers. 

As her arm fell back to her side, she realised that she could not recall her name.

She remembered the bed she had lain in before she had been summoned to the tall white building and the warm pink room. And she remembered the faces of her loved ones who had stood around that narrow bed, eyes blurred with tears and mouths turned down with sorrow. She could almost hear the pleading sob of her twin sister’s voice, begging her not to leave them all, crying aloud the name that eluded her memory despite her frantic thoughts.

“But I need to be called something,” she told herself. “What use is a person without a name? Everyone should have a name.”

Her fingertips brushed against the silky smoothness of her skirt, and the worried furrow on her forehead disappeared. 

“Blue. My eyes are blue, just like my sister’s, and so is the gown they have given me to wear. For now, my name is Blue.”

She smiled, then saw that others around her were noticing the rising and falling of the curtain, and drawing closer. Leaving the plates of delicacies, they reached out to lift the shimmering barrier just as Blue had done, but they too grasped nothing and neither could they see through it.

A tall man with a shaven head whose silken shirt and pants were emerald green stood by Blue’s side and stared, trying to make out shapes and forms through the tantalising swathe of material. He was young, just like Blue was, and his lips were parted as he began to breathe hard like he had been racing against the wind. He stood with his shoulders hunched, and his eyes narrowed with the sheer force of his concentration.

Blue reached out to him and tried to catch his eye, wanting to ask if he could make out anything through the gauze. But Green shook his head at her before she could even speak, and retreated back to the tables which were being replenished with still more food.

A gentle, courteous voice behind Blue said, “Would you like something to drink?”

Blue turned, and saw a tiny woman dressed in some kind of white uniform holding out a tray of crystal goblets towards her, each one filled with a golden liquid that smelled divine. She stammered a nervous thanks and took a glass; the beverage was sweeter than honey and sent a surge of warmth through her entire body. It did not make her drunk or drowsy at all; with every sip, her senses seemed much sharper and everything around her began to make sense in a way that it had not before.

When Blue finished her drink, the little woman stayed beside her and offered her another, and Blue grew bold.

“What is behind the curtain?” she asked, and the woman’s brown eyes sparkled as she gave Blue a puzzled smile.

“Why don’t you take a look? You are allowed.”

Blue drained her second glass and placed it back on the little woman’s tray. She took a deep breath and stepped up to the curtain, feeling the light fabric brush against her skin and then melt away, leaving her in darkness. Her heart racing, she stiffened in fright for a moment before she realised that it was only dark because she had closed her eyes.

She opened them again and looked around her; she was all alone and in a different room.

The walls and floor of this massive chamber were covered in red velvet, with rows of heart-shaped beds along one wall. On each bed lay what at first glance appeared to be a peacefully sleeping baby, curled up against a snowy white pillow and dressed in a white cotton romper or a lacy white gown. Blue sat on the bed nearest to her and took its tiny occupant into her arms. She could not help but kiss the baby girl’s tiny forehead, even though she knew by now that what she held was not a real infant, but a doll. 

Eyelashes like spun gold contrasted with a delicate flush of pink against pale skin. Small hands were clenched to display jewel-perfect nails, and the doll almost seemed to breathe as her little head, covered in minute blonde ringlets, rested against Blue’s chest. Blue curled up on the bed and leaned against the pillow, almost in a foetal position, and cradled the doll even closer. 

Was this the child she was meant to have, but would never now give birth to? 

“Are you my baby?” she asked aloud, but of course the doll could not answer. Blue rocked herself and the doll back and forth and began to hum the strains of a lullaby she had not known before that moment.

“It doesn’t matter if you were meant for me or not. You’re mine now, and no one can make me give you up,” she whispered, and willed herself to sleep, hoping to find the doll a name somewhere in dreams.

When Blue woke up, she thought she was back in the narrow bed from which she had last seen her family.

No more heart-shaped beds and velvet here, only stark white walls and the sounds of strange machines. Everything surrounding her appeared to be gigantic, and she held one hand up to the light, spreading her fingers wide and wondering why she had a doll’s limbs and saw the world through a doll’s eyes.

A face just like her own stared down at her, wet with tears, but there was no sorrow in the familiar voice that called her by the name she thought she had forgotten in the curtained room.

“You have your auntie’s eyes, so it’s only fitting you should have her name. Happy birthday, precious baby girl.”


End file.
